This is good Yamini, needs a little work, but your meaning was clear.
"soul" - try "souls"
"harried" is a good word, but it does not flow with the rest of the poem, "harassed" is better.
"in pain it" - try "in pain they" Take the "s" of "Live"
The other suggestions will follow in email. Still, I like the direction you took this, simple, but to the point.
I am so glad to see you back writing ... I know your time is precious, but please try and make more time for writing ... your voice is so very important!
10 comments:
touching one re..:)
@Pramoda
thank you dear...!!
This is so painful for the victims...and why can't our government do something to these evil perpetrators?
We must be vigilant if we see one!
Very nice take Yamini!
this is missing a Yamii feel i think.. the words were eloquent, but yet felt incomplete!
Nicely written.
This is good Yamini, needs a little work, but your meaning was clear.
"soul" - try "souls"
"harried" is a good word, but it does not flow with the rest of the poem, "harassed" is better.
"in pain it" - try "in pain they"
Take the "s" of "Live"
The other suggestions will follow in email. Still, I like the direction you took this, simple, but to the point.
I am so glad to see you back writing ... I know your time is precious, but please try and make more time for writing ... your voice is so very important!
@Amity
thanks dear..!!
Governments are busy looting people...they are least bothered..!!!
@Leo
thanks yaar...will try my best to make it better..!!
@Ofira
thanks friend..!!
@Amias
thanks dear...made the corrections...!!
Trying my best to make to do the acros...as you know...i love the time with the acros..!!
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